I feel off my bike today , I guess I didnt see that huge tree in the road and

yep I hit it.  Now im sitting here looking at the scrapes and bruises and even

the little bit of blood from my head wondering if it is worth getting on and

riding around this tree or should i just stay here a for a bit.

So i was reading a few things and got my brain all worked up about a few things i've always wanted to scream from the roof tops!!!

GOD , SATAN , HEAVEN . HELL, BUDDHA, JEWS, CHRISTIAN , AETHIEST, AND EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD!

I was raised in a very religious family so to speak , my parents were far from practicing christians but the bases of god was always there and everyone in my family would always say when you have a problem PRAY ABOUT IT.  When i was younger my mother would put me on the church bus and i would attend like many other children in our neighborhood and then when i was a little older i quit going, then about the age 14 or 15 i started to go again after my mother was saved and apparently filled with the holy ghost , whatever that means to you , and i spent many years going to church until i realized i wasn't going for me and the more time i spent searching my own mind and thoughts i realized each time more and more what i think and here that is

I realized i would go to this place and listen to this man in the front preaching to his congregation and would always find myself crying, and the tears would come because i was each time upset due to realizing there must be something wrong with me , i mean this man is saying all these things about god and what we are suppose to do and how we are suppose to be and the way to heaven is narrow and i would leave each service with a sense of failure because i was never going to be able to get this thing right...

GOD  is a perfect being who created all there is , right, well i need the question answered why was i allowed to be created without any consent then , and put on this earth , scripturally the hardest existence to have and told to do all things a certain way and when you fail at these things there is an ultimate punishment which all pastors love telling us how horribly unimaginable hell will be.

The basis of it , YOU WORSHIP ME AND LOVE ME THE WAY I WANT AND IF YOU DONT THEN YOU GO TO THIS HELL I TELL YOU OF!

You are told to pray for your needs and when you say i have and they were not met then the answer they give you is well then you either didn't pray enough or the lowly cop out answer that well god has something else in store for you then , you just have to find the other door he opened. 

All the bad things in the world that take place and the answer for them is god doesn't do it satan does and the sin he created , THEN WHY DID GOD CREATE SIN. was it to just watch us squirm and fail..

So no matter if i'm a good person and i don't harm anyone and my heart only wants to love those around me , and i have no enemies in this world at al yet i am told and lead to believe that , that isn't enough because i like to have a drink on friday nights with my girlfriends , i am covered by tattoos and i will always love my rock and metal music . 

SO WHY AM I GOING TO GO TO HELL , WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE IN MY LIFE TO DESERVE THAT KIND OF PUNISHMENT, OH YEAH I DIDNT WORSHIP GOD THE WAY I WAS SUPPOSE TO.

I remember sitting in church and the things they were all saying  god must have done i could always find the scientific reason for why it happened.  I understand the need to believe in something bigger than ourselves but why is it with religion it ends with a punishment even if you we a good person!

And someone please tell me if god lets satan temp us and there is the sin in the world that he hurts for , PLEASE tell me why these babies are rapped and children are chained to the basement floors someone answer to me what lesson they are going to take from that and we have to live our lives with these scars because this god thought we needed them for some sort of lesson learned . 

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SHARE ANY THOUGHTS YOU MAY HAVE FOR OR AGAINST WHAT I HAVE SAID... NEVER A SINGLE JUDGMENT HERE!

When intimacy is gone and only sex remains!

     Just random thoughts on the difference. Do you believe that they are separate or can you have one without the other .  I am learning the delicate balance of what they both mean .  I have been married now just over 5 years and i am discovering that i have got to a point where intimacy is gone and only sex remains.  I am discovering the emptiness of emotionless sex even with my husband.  the reasons for having sex are almost as blurred as these questions, we find ourselves having sex almost just because thats what a husband and wife are suppose to do ,not really that we are enjoying it and i'm finding myself  having sex when i don't want to only to aesthetically please my other half , and then in saying my other half is a new dimension because we are more like two completely separate individuals. 

     So when intimacy is lacking i am afraid that sex is meaningless physical work without any true satisfaction behind it. I believe even two perfect strangers can have a sense of intimacy about them . I can no longer read my husband i have no idea what he feels or needs.  We have become two people who live in a home and might as well be strangers.  HOw to get it back is the question and i pose the greater one which is , can you ever get it back or is it that when it dies it is truly gone forever. 

       I suppose like anything in life there are specific ingredients and if even one is missing the whole thing can collapse but what would be the substitution for this and even then substitutes are never really as good as the real thing .  I always thought as the years went on i would grow closer to this person and in reality the opposite has happened i have only found growth in myself which has brought me farther and farther from that person.